I am a Female, Not Feminine
The demands of women’s everyday life
I am a female, a daughter, a woman, a sister, a student, a writer, and other identities. But exactly, other people just look at me as a woman. Yeah, I know that my identity as a woman can seem without know me deeply. No matter the various identities I have, I am exactly looked at as a woman who has limited movement and limited dreams, but the unlimited burden and a lot of demands of many roles at the same time. Moreover, most people assume that if I am a female, it means I am feminine too. Damn it!
I have four siblings, consisting of two brothers and two sisters. My parents treat us differently their son and daughter. Since I was a child, my parents taught me that domestic duties are women’s duties; such as cooking, cleaning, home shopping, and so on. And, yeah, I used to not know that apparently, those are not duties we are born with. Those are just a social construction.
Traditionally, the domestic sphere has been treated as the domain of women. This case indicates that any patriarchal norms where domestic work is defined as the domain of women. Meanwhile, political and economic power is defined as the domain of men. Thus, men can be called the one at the top of the hierarchy in any field.
When I was a child, I just did what other girls do, behave, and wear. I helped my mom clean my home, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, and so on. My sisters and I split the tasks to do them lighter. Meanwhile, my brothers rarely do domestic work. They often play with their friend outside.
Yes, I understand between men and women will be different, and always like that. Biologically and physically, both of them are different because they are given by God. We cannot change this nature. On the other side, we are given brains to think and construct a culture so that men and women have each role. Thus, I think an inequality role between men and women can reconstruct to occur gender equality.
If we talk about gender and sex, in society, most people define both gender and sex in the same meaning. According to Oxford Dictionary, they have different connotations. Sex refers to biological differences. While, gender refers to cultural and social differences that constructed identities, roles, behaviors, and expressions of male and female.
Now, I am almost 23 years old. I think every dream I have depends on what the culture said, not what I wanted. I am not free to dream, go outside, or do something out of gender stereotypes. My movement is limited. Recently, I read many articles, Instagram feeds, and even watched videos that discussed gender equality. But why still so many people have not understood it, even women themselves normalize gender inequality.
Many women have not realized that domestic duties are not only women’s duties, but men can do too. I look at this phenomenon around me, like my aunt, mom, and other women. I look at them after married, they have to do all domestic duties. And I often look at them can just hang out with their friends for a while, doing me-time without distraction, or just stopping do anything for healing their mental health.
According to an article by OECD, norms of restrictive masculinities dictate that a “real” man should be financially dominant, which can tend to reduce the time allocation to the household. Furthermore, many men believe that domestic work is seen as more appropriate for women because those are seen as feminine traits. While if men do “feminine” works is seen as an infringement of their dominant masculine identity.
Feminine and masculine are formed by social construction which can be shared by both men and women. We need to tackle gender inequality by reconstructing the gender stereotypes so that men are expected can contribute to “household” works and women can also contribute in any positions in the political or economic sector.
References:
Masculinities and women’s empowerment in the economic and political spheres
To empower women, face up to restrictive masculinities, says new OECD Development Centre report
